Surviving the Quarantine: Post 8
I’m back with Surviving the Quarantine Part 8. The world went quite crazy last week and helped distract me from personal problems. Make sure to check out the entire series here. I reference the older parts frequently.
Unfortunately, as the rallies join Coronavirus as the new normal, my mental illness struck out again. I had resigned depression to being the selfish companion that kept me asleep. It seems that this part of mental state ran wild in its role.
Depression:
For the last couple days, I have had to fight just to get out of bed. This post is being written a day later than I wanted it to be. Lethargy is overpowering even my imagination. Writing has come to a screeching halt.
I’m not even eating as much as I should. The last couple days have been difficult emotionally to the point where I am committing the small amount of energy I have to staying sane.
Ironically, as I write this blog post, my stomach continues to call out in agony. Demanding me to feed it. Perhaps depression is so desperate to stop me from enjoying the things that I love that now of all times its letting me feel hunger. Anything to drag me away from being productive.
Financial Woes:
I still can’t find a job. My financial debt continues to get worse. I have a list of all the people I owe money to and how much I owe. I constantly wake up in the middle of the night fearing that I will never be able to pay any of this debt off.
Worse, the inability to pay off this debt will leave me forced to lose all these friendships as people view me as nothing better than a worthless parasite. I feel so powerless to take control of my life and honor these debts. Why is it that no matter how hard I try to better myself, I continue to fail?
Jobs don’t just grow on trees either. Despite applying for somewhere in the ballpark of 3 to 5 jobs a day, I have gotten almost no responses and am convinced that my skill set only looks impressive on paper. Perhaps, being published in ten different books, running a website, and countless examples of technical writing are not enough to make me stand out.
Taking its Toll:
I’m skipping meals to save money, and even that has not been enough. My car broke the other day and essentially robbed me robbed me of every dollar I had managed to save. I was so close to finally putting a dent in the debt I owe.
Between Coronavirus, being unable to ever save up anything, and the constant bouts of mental illness that keep me in a perpetual state of panic, I am convinced that if there is a God out there, he she or it enjoys ruining my life and gets satisfaction from my screams.
Coronavirus:
Speaking of Coronavirus, to the surprise of no one who has read a history book or believes in science, the virus is getting a second wave as new people continue to be infected. We are not even close to being done with this virus.
I estimate, though I’ll admit I am neither a scientist or doctor, that this virus will hit a third and even worse wave just when we think we have dealt with it again. Don’t expect to see the death toll decrease in a tangible way till the beginning of 2021 at earliest.
Antisemitism:
Now I want to take a moment to talk about one negative aspect I keep spotting in the political movements of today. No matter where you look, you will find hatred towards Jews. Black Lives Matter has Antisemitic Elements as do its opponents.
Look I get it. Right now we need to focus on the rights of one minority group instead of all dispersing. I get it in my soul. Jews have been trained from birth that they are not allowed to ask for help getting their rights. We have been told from a young age that we will always be hated by everyone.
Like any other Jew who realizes that we are hated for the sin of being born, we have all chosen sides we believe in. I still stand with Black Lives Matter because I believe in the cause it represents. Even though I know there are members that hate Jews in it, I’ll still support them.
It Can’t Be Avoided:
If I avoided every group that hated Jews, there would be no groups to a part of. Jewish groups included of course. No one is as talented as screwing up the lives of Jews quite like ourselves.
Still, for those of you who are actually curious about examples of the veiled antisemitism I get to deal with every day, here are two examples. One from the left and another from the right.
Examples of Antisemitism:
The left example is two parts. In the first, there is a call to label Israel Apartheid (its not) and somehow equate the struggle of the Palestinians with the Black Community. (Their struggle is not the same)
The second and more recent thing being thrown all over the internet, is that Israel trained American Police in their current form of brutality. I had so much difficulty getting past all the fake news on this one that I stopped writing this blog post for a good 20 minutes in my attempts to find an unbiased source. Then realizing that supporting Israel is labeled as bias, I spent another 20 minutes trying to find a source that talked about the truth of what the training entailed.
I gave up looking. The danger with the internet today is that the truth is becoming harder and harder to find. Trending news will easily crush truthful news. And right now the trend is that Israel and the Jews are the enemy of both the Black Community and the Palestinian one. Good luck finding truth on such a heated issue.
Anyway, the left side of the aisle drew more of my ire since that is where I stand politically, but that doesn’t mean the right doesn’t have its own antisemitism problem. I’ll be ignoring the Nazi flags and Confederate flags which have always represented antisemitism along the other forms of hate.
George Soros:
The right’s favorite antisemitism conspiracy of late is the same one they always use. They like to talk about how rich and powerful Jews control the media, entertainment industry, and run the banks. Don’t be fooled by their current bogyman: George Soros. He is just that, the current boogyman. Antisemitism is Antisemitism. Also it might be good to research why the right hates Soros so much.
Physical Health:
Well that is all I am willing to write about politics today on the negative end. I’m getting furious just reading what I just wrote. I kept stopping myself from further elaborating, but then this blog post would be me releasing in at least 4000 words or more all the forms of Antisemitism I have to deal with. I don’t wanna write about that.
Instead, I’ll close out the negative part of my blog post with a new issue I’m facing. I’m not sure why, but I am starting to feel constant pain in my hands. As of right now, my left pinky finger hurts whenever I move it. That means that I am causing myself physical pain simply writing this blog post.
The longer I suffer from my mental health, the worse my physical health becomes. More jobs become impossible for me to accept. A downward spiral drags me down farther. This is a call for help. I do not feel like I can dig myself out of this grave being dug. I need a job like yesterday otherwise my situation will only grow more bleak.
Well, it seems the negative has increased. That is not surprising since this week was much worse than last. Anyway, I guess its time to focus on the good.
The Positive:
I have already mentioned Bloodborne, Pokemon, Civilization 5, and Town of Salem in prior blog posts, but I want to mention another game I added to my happy place. Dark Souls 3 drew me back in the last couple days. Its been a while since I touched this game. I still like Bloodborne more though.
A second game has brought some happiness in the darkness as well. That game is Jackbox. You should check it out. Its too complicated to explain in a blog post the sheer number of ways to have fun in this simple yet fun set of games.
Dungeons and Dragons:
Let’s talk about Dungeons and Dragons, especially since I read from one of my stories that these campaigns birthed at a special digital reading. I really appreciate Writer’s Atelier for granting me an opportunity to share.
However, while what I read for this group was tame, what happened in the campaigns was far from it. Cycle of Millennia, the story I read from forced the players to fight their way through a Drow City and its additional Demon Denizens.
Cycle of Millennia:
At the end of the session, a Vampiress, Antoinette, channeled her power in a risky way to try and save some of the Drow peasants much to the party’s confusion. She’s a villain who is currently brainwashed to help the party against her will. Its a long story.
One of the players tried to interrupt the ritual to see what would happen and her former cult leader literally shattered her mind to prevent this. Don’t ask how that happened either. Its also a long story. You should read the Cycle of Millennia novels. One day said stories will reach this part.
Centrum Glacies:
My other campaign, set in Centrum Glacies was far simpler from a storytelling standpoint. This group continued to fight their way through a Vampire lair and the Cultists who made use of traps to try and kill the party. At the end, the final cultist commander ran to trey and hide its key fragment from the group so that they could go no further. The party is currently giving chase.
Black Lives Matter:
In addition to Dungeons and Dragons, I continued to march with Black Lives Matter. Don’t let my earlier opinions about the Antisemitism issue fool you into thinking I gave up on the idea. I have accepted that I will be hated for being born for the rest of my life. The least I can do is help others who are also hated for being born.
Nuzlocke:
Anyway, let’s get to the part you all really came for: the Nuzlocke. Make sure to check out my Twitch Channel to see my journey more than once a week.
Crystal Adventure Part 21:
4 Gym Leaders remained in Kanto, and a ten year old possessed by a 30 year old man cruised the world, crushing them one after another. Brock and Misty put up next to no resistance with their pathetic teams filled with weakness I was more than happy to punish them for.
Blaine’s team was a bit stronger but Fire doesn’t like water or rock or ground. I had plenty of those attacks to go around as well. I had more difficulty reaching his Gym at the Seafoam Islands than actually besting him.
The final Gym leader was another story though. Trainer Blue, the rival from Generation one was my final major opponent before I conquered the land of Kanto. His team jumped many levels from the other trainers and almost forced me into a corner. But after a long battle, and no casualties on my side. I bested him too.
Crystal Adventure Part 22:
Yet one area of Johto remained. Mount Silver where according to rumor, the former Pokemon Champion, Red hid. So I guided a 10 year old girl into the isolated Mount Silver and just like I did with the trainer she stood a couple feet from at the top of the mountain, I discarded her. She no longer served any purpose to me.
At least Trainer Red was in his own home when he regained control of his body. This other puppet was far from home and had no idea how she got there.
This adventure only suffered one casualty the entire run. Rest in Peace, Box Ghost.
Emerald Adventure Part 1:
Next, the 30 year old spirit traveled to the land of Hoenn to start a new Nuzlocke in Pokemon Emerald. Starting with Vordt the Mudkip, I once again had a 10 year old trainer under my control.
On route 101 I caught Hunt Dog the Poochyena. Two other routes sate nearby. And I caught two more Pokemon there as well. Greirat the Zigzagoon on Route 103 and Basilisk the Lotad on Route 102.
I encountered this child’s father in Petalburg City. But he deemed me too weak to battle him. I’ll be sure to teach this fool a lesson in time. But for now, he can remain smug.
Emerald Adventure Part 2:
Anyway, I traveled next to Route 104 where I caught Lab. Rat the Marill. That’s short of Labyrinth Rat, not Lab Rat. Next I headed into Petalburg Woods and caught MnlightFly the Cascoon. Before I could emerge from the woods, I encountered Team Rock- I mean, Team Aqua. I knew that. Of course I did.
I assumed it was Team Rocket because of how weak they were. Apparently those in organized crime exist to be bested by ten year olds. After crushing a weakling and apparently saving some corporate man, I headed past the forest and to Rustboro City.
Before I could challenge the gym leader, I explored the next route, 116 a bit for training and caught Wretch, the Whismur. It was not long till I was ready to take on Roxane the Rock Gym Leader. Plenty prepared for this battle, Vordt and Basilisk lead me to victory. Along the way to this win, both Vordt and Basilisk evolved. Marshtomp and Lombre respectively.
Emerald Adventure Part 3:
Next, the same corporate moron got robbed a second time by Team Aqua. I chased this grunt into a cave and defeated him like all the other members of the criminal underworld in the Pokemon Universe.
I accidentally saved a Wingull as well. The trainer who cared for this Pokemon offered to give me a ride on his ship to the next gym. And so I obliged.
Arriving in Dewford Town, I fished up Oceiros the Magikarp. Next I ventured north to route 106 and fished up Brainsuckr the Tentacool. But my catching journey was not over yet. I entered Granite Cave and encountered Izalith the Aron.
Emerald Adventure Part 4:
I committed to a long period of training in Granite Cave, realizing that the next gym battle against Brawly would be tough. But feeling confident in my skills, I prepared and entered his gym filled with pride and ready to take names. Greirat evolved into Linoone along the way.
That was one of the greatest mistakes I could have made. His signature Pokemon managed to set up two Bulk Ups and the unthinkable happened. He slaughtered Izalith, Basilisk, Greirat, and yes even Vordt. I tasted true defeat and lost that battle completely.
Emerald Adventure Part 5:
I despaired for a moment and considered jumping to another universe and leaving this girl to a future of failure. But I decided it was not time to give up. Instead, I trained up Hunt Dog, MnlightFly, Wretch, and Lab. Rat all from their weakened forms up and to top fighting form. Lab. Rat, MnlightFly and Hunt Dog evolved. One into Mighteyena, the second into Dustox and the last into Azumarill.
After some serious blood, sweat, and tears, I battled this gym again ready to avenge my fallen friends. MnlightFly was more than ready to take vengeance thanks to its extreme resistance to fighting moves. I got my second badge and allowed the dead to rest easy.
Emerald Adventure Part 6:
Next, I delivered a letter to a man named Steven in the back of Granite Cave. Wondering if this man might have the ability to detect Evil Demonic Spirits possessing children, he claimed that I had what it took to become the League Champion. It might be time to silence this man, permanently.
I returned to Dewford Town and rode the same boat that took me here to the next city: Slateport City. Before I could continue farther, I sensed a large concentration of weakness. Spotting Team Aqua gathered in large numbers at a museum, I entered.
Once again I foiled their plans and even drew the attention of their leader. I think his name was Archie or something. Not sure I usually only knowledge strong trainers. He was not giving off those vibes. Wretch evolved into Loudred at this point.
Emerald Adventure Part 7:
That problem dealt with, I went north towards Route 110 where I met Paarl the Electrike. Along the way, I found the trick house. This home was inhabited by a creepy narcissist who forced me to solve puzzles for prizes. Some other trainers had entered as well. I taught them their place on the food chain.
Next, I encountered my rival. Though I had already battled him twice, Brenden is a weak excuse for a rival and his earlier battles were not even a speed bump on my journey. At least this time he had a couple decent Pokemon.
Finally I put that trash away, temporarily and reached Mauville City. This place was home to one of the most dangerous Gym Leaders in Hoenn: Wattson. Realizing that I was not equipped to best his team, I headed west towards Route 117 to find a new team member.
Emerald Adventure Part 8:
Unfortunately, Brumer the Oddish was not what I had in mind. Though I still trained this companion and even evolved it into a Gloom in hopes of changing my fate. But to no avail. I knew without even facing Wattson that this team could not win against him.
And so I focused my prayers as hard as I could. I beseech the deities of necromancy to grant me a boon. And they did. Vordt rose from his grave as a zombie. I only had a bit of time before the corpse decomposed and rushed to the gym to take him down.
Even armed with a zombie, this was the toughest fight yet. His Voltorb exploded and killed MnlightFly. The Hero who bested Brawly had been slaughtered. But my zombie, Vordt came through and killed his Magneton. Brumer stalled out the Manectric and I managed to get a win after all.
That was a close call, and I am down a Pokemon still. Here is hoping that I can make some new friends on the next stage of my adventure. For I know that Flannery, the mistress of Flames and my next Gym Challenge will be extremely deadly.
Closing Thoughts:
It was a rough week. Basically a Nuzlocke that almost failed is what kept me going this week. I hope things improve before I write my next blog post. But keeping hope has rarely helped me in the past. No reason it will now either.