Me Being Obnoxious to Obnoxious People: Part 1
Many times in my life, I have been told by others that I should record every word that comes out of my mouth. At first I was confused by such a statement. I always assumed people wanted to hear less of me, not more. But after enough times of being pointed out at how much comedy gold I come up with, spur of the moment, I decided to give it a try.
What follows are written recordings of responses of I have made to incredibly annoying people. Whether I am an even bigger scumbag than the people I am reacting to is irrelevant.
Example 1: Religious Preacher
This first reaction took place at UCF which is unsurprising since I spend much of my time and even more of my money at the school. I was walking through the free speech area and noticed a religious preacher. Well, notice is kinda misleading. What I mean to say is that his megaphone boosted voice created sound waves that stopped my momentum. Rather than ignoring this individual which would have been rational, I decided to speak with him instead. I will not bother to write out what he said to me as I will cause readers to lose brain cells in the attempt.
However, I responded with: “If going to heaven means acting like you, or even being in your presence for more than five minutes, I would much rather go to hell. I doubt anything Old Scratch could come up with could compare to the torture I just described.” I walked away, and noticed that the preacher had gone silent. The moral of this story folks, is the best way to defeat a religious preacher is to confuse them so profoundly that they stop talking for a moment.
Example 2: A Libertarian
Before I continue, I will acknowledge that this next one does not include all Libertarians. I realize there are both smart and dumb Libertarians. Though, I must also admit that this is quite frankly one of the easiest groups to trigger in the entire world. They may be able to compete with another group as the biggest snowflake in the United States. I’ll get to that other group in a moment.
This second encounter happened to also be at UCF. No surprises there as being a Libertarian is a pretty College Kid thing to do these days. Easy way to rebel against the Liberal College Kid after all. I was minding my own business when this encounter happened, or so I thought. I was discussing my novels with a secular student organization on campus when suddenly, a wild Libertarian appeared. “Why do you waste your time with fantasy and fiction when you could be doing something productive with your life.” I noticed he also wore a cross on his chest. A rather large one at that.
I responded with: “I do not believe in Fairy Tales such as Inherently Good People, The Bible, or Free Market Capitalism.” Rather than argue with me further, the individual walked away to a chorus of laughter from the onlookers.
Example 3: Non Fiction Writer
Whenever a writer of any kind outs down a genre without evidence, I will have issues with this. While there are justifiably terrible books out there. Examples include such as Fifty Shades of Grey and Twilight. There are easy to point out reason why these works are garbage. The person in this situation decided to attack all of fiction writing.
I was on a Facebook Group for this last entry. The discussion involved talking about effective means of writing and what did and did not work. I may have gotten a bit worked up over another individual who had nothing nice to say about Anime, but I am an obnoxious person after all.
Anyway, another individual came into this conversation and crashed in harder than Miley Cyrus triggering old Conservative people. They decried fiction, saying that non fiction could always create more powerful situations both happy and depressing. This I could not stand for of course.
I responded with: “When is the last time you heard about someone stuck in a groundhog day loop for more than 20 years where they were trying in vain to stop their best friend from committing suicide. Not helping is the fact that God is actively trying to stop you and will do anything to make your friend commit suicide?” I managed to silence this individual as well as the Anti Anime Speaker when they realized I had just described a popular story from one.
More on the Way
This is only the start of a new project. There are so many people in the world and so many ways to trigger them. I may not be able to anger everyone at once, but I can anger at once someone.