10 Things to Keep in Mind When Friends with an Aspie Adult
So I took a break from the many social media crazes and am writing a post that shows what is on my mind right now. A nice checklist for many of you. This list of behaviors from people on the spectrum is not an end all be all list as people with Asperger’s are each unique people. These are more of guidelines. Still, they are very helpful guidelines.
1. We are brutally honest (most of the time)
When you ask someone a question that is Aspie, you can in most cases expect a brutally honest answer (most of the time. I’ll explain the exceptions below) Do no get offended ladies if we tell you you look hideous in that dress. Just as gentlemen should not get offended if we tell them we could care less about whatever hobby they are describing.
2. We keep detailed memories of all the interactions we have with every person.
Aspies tend to be paranoid after growing up being bullied by virtually everyone. As cyber bullying is the most common form, we watch our interactions with people carefully lest they be used as weapons against us on the internet later. We also assume that most people are not being as honest as we are and as a result we memorize interactions to avoid nasty surprises later.
3. We do not trust people easily. (But when we do, its usually the wrong people)
Speaking from personal experience on this one, most of the people I gave information about myself to on good faith, were the same people who picked on me. We all have people we respect. In the case of someone on the spectrum, that person tends to be an individual who is well liked and does well as far as dating is concerned. If you are screaming “well duh that’s the kind of person who tends to bully people” Congratulations, that is a lesson I have learned the hard way many times. But as a result of not trusting easily, we may ask questions a lot to test for loyalty. This is not a result of anything you have done. It is because we have been burned a lot.
4. We obsesses over certain topics
This stereotype is well known, but I will restate it here. Within minutes of meeting an Aspie, you will know most of what we are in to. We likely will not give you many chances to talk during the interaction. I am sorry, that’s just the way it is.
5. Arguing with us is a waste time for all parties involved
While I am far more aggressive than the average Aspie, (I actively pick debates with people) Aspies normally pick their arguments carefully. So when we do argue, we will fight till we are blue in the face, take a deep breath and then do so some more. You will have more luck convincing a rock that its a light bulb. We are a very stubborn lot. It matters not whether we are actually right or wrong. Just trust me, its a waste of time. (In fact if you want to see some really nasty debates, watch what happens when two Aspies get in an argument with each other)
6. Sociopaths are drawn to us
For reasons that science is only beginning to understand, being an Aspie is like a beacon signaling to some of the most dangerous people in the world to come attack us. Being friends with an Aspie means it is only a matter of time until you encounter an individual that would probably be the villain on a criminal minds episode. And let me tell you, dramatization aside, Sociopaths are incredibly scary and dangerous individuals. From personal experience, as a result of the work of three, I was forced to flee my home after being harassed by two police departments, had my credit score destroyed, had to put my college education on hold for almost 5 years, had my GPA thrashed, was ousted from every school organization I belonged to and countless other things that I outlined in another blog post already. And this sort of thing is not unique to me. There is a reason that Aspies obsess over this topic. We are deathly afraid of these people (and you should be too)
7. We are late bloomers with great potential
Aspies tend to accomplish things a bit later in life than normal, but assuming we survive all the nasty hardships we get as a result of our childhoods with our lives and sanity intact, we tend to do some really cool stuff. Stuff such as Disney, Facebook, and Pokemon, to list just a few, are results of people with this condition. As since we are late bloomers, its a lot easier to say you knew a person before they were famous by befriending one of us.
8. We ARE capable of lying
This point might seem unusual, but we are rational and thinking human beings. We do lie, just for different reasons than others. Most people lie because they are trying to please. Most of the time, when we lie its, for self defense or some other personal gain. And lets be honest, when you are picked on by people, sometimes you mimic their behaviors to protect yourself. Its a common response in nature.
9. Respect goes a long way
This should be how everyone is treated, but as Aspies are very jaded and bitter normally, taking time out of your day to show us respect is a huge deal. We remember who treats us right and are sure to do the same. We may be suspicious of people, but once you have our hard earned trust, you might have secured a life friend.
10. Making us feel included is the best thing you can do!!!
I left this point for last, because in my mind its the most important. Due to the difficulties that occur due to our sometimes unusual behaviors, it can seem daunting for our friends to bring us places. And that is understandable. Who wants to babysit when they go out in public after all? But when that happy medium between ignoring us and being a guardian is reached, it is truly a wonderful thing to behold. And as many Aspies are constantly alone (and brooding about it) when we are invited to goings and not just left out on the figurative curb, it is truly a wonderful feeling for us. And lets be honest, its a lot easier to make someone feel included than to appeal to a nasty attention seeker who thinks the world revolves around them (although I have been accused of that describing me)
I hope you enjoyed these guidelines. Countless lists on this topic have been written. So this is my contribution to the issue. And remember that this is not only just my opinion, but not an end all be all. This a guideline that also happens to be an opinion. Me being an Aspie gives a bit of credibility, but its still an opinion.