The Crazy Paradox of my Existence
Asperger’s Syndrome, Judaism, and The Jung Style Commander are all clearly defined type of individuals.
An individual with Aspergers Syndrome is known to be smart, but timid. Wanting to make friends, but not sure how to do so. Speaking boldly but not able to hold other’s attention for long. Bringing up unusual facts that no one cares about. They tend to exhibit many of the traits of Autism minus the fear of wanting to interact with people.
The Jewish people have been under fire basically for their entire existence. Being hated and hunted is nothing new and probably won’t go away. The product of such systematic hatred is a stubborn people. Hard working and for the most part inclined to do the right thing as a response of having evil visited upon them on such a frequent basis. Equal part religion and ethnic group, the Jewish people have always been an enigma.
As for the last group, its the easiest to explain. The commander, known as the ENTJ according to the Meyers Briggs test is an individual who takes charge. They are miserable when they are at the bottom of the totem pole. And are even more unhappy when they see no possibility of advancement in their lives. They take charge even when they are not supposed to. Even more so, they tend to bump heads with other types of people who like to lead. And as the Commander has overpowering charisma and a dominating personality in tow, they tend to shove this other individuals to the side.
All these traits are on their own unique and make a person stand out. But I happen to be all three at the same time!
And behold the amount of trouble I get myself into. When you combine the social awkwardness of Asperger’s with an incredibly dominant personality, and add the hatred I gain from being Jewish, and a sore thumb does not begin to describe my struggle with humanity.
“Humans are driven by fear, and the greatest fear is the one of the unknown” as famously spoken by HP Lovecraft. I am the product of an anomaly. Not unique, but quite rare. Rare enough to be the unknown. And these unique problems I have cause me no end to grief.
I am socially awkward and yet, I control the room. I cannot depend on anonymity when I enter a new setting. The spotlight goes on the moment I appear. And that is a nasty combination. Add to the fact that I outwardly tell the world of my Jewish Heritage that I am quite proud of, and the catalyst for disorder is set.
But, I am told frequently that I can do things to avoid trouble. That I could take off my Keepah that marks me of the tribe of the Hebrews. That I can just remain quiet and I won’t draw attention. That I do not have to tell the world I am on the spectrum. That in doing so, I am using Autism as a crutch.
Its so obvious? Why didn’t I already think of that?
Sure I’ll take of my Keepah, so long as my Christian Friends take of their crosses. I’ll stop talking when the video gamer stops playing video games. I’ll stop talking about my autism when a deaf person stops using sign language to communicate.
All these directions are, are more biases lumped onto me. The anomaly that I am is not one that the average human can cope with, so they think the simple solution is for me to stop being me. If I do so, its quite easy for others to deal with me. I agree, its really easy to deal with a wall that is standing there too.
I can only control what I do, not how others react. And I choose to live my unique life. Why should I change to be “normal” like everyone else. Most people are liked because most people are boring. Its easy to like things that are boring.
I am neither boring or normal. I am unusual and unique. I am me, and this crazy paradox is just something that the Human Race needs to get over.