Surviving the Quarantine: Part 26
Well I seem to have made it to week 26 of Surviving the Quarantine. Not in one piece I’ll admit. Fitting that 26 is 13 added together twice because this last week, my mental health came crashing down. Be sure to check out this entire series, both the good and the bad here.
Anyway, I felt like my life was improving. And when I feel good, mania tends to take over and cause me to behave recklessly. This would be a normal behavior but when I mean reckless I want to stress how extreme my choices can be.
I chose to return to Orlando to spend time with friends. I want to point out that I made this decision during Covid. Hell the name of this blog series is called Surviving the Quarantine. That means keeping away from people.
Feeling invincible after finally working a job that paid me what I am worth I then proceeded to make a ton of terrible choices. Let’s get into that since it has dominated my mind ever since.
Downward Spiral:
Anyway, I spent some time with a very large group of people. Drugs might have been involved. I had a mental breakdown. My mind can be extremely cruel when I am vulnerable like that.
Instead of spending time with friends, ya know the whole reason I took these risks in the first place, I mentally assumed a fetal position for basically 10 hours straight. I made an embarrassment of myself and am reluctant to face most of these people for a long time.
That night messed with my head hard. I’m having lots of doubts right now. The fact that I am in my 30s now and unmarried has reached a trigger point for me mentally. I’ll have to avoid situations where I am pressured to hook up with people for the foreseeable future.
I know that sounds silly to most of you. But when was the last time you had to run away from everything you cared about because you couldn’t hook up with people? That’s happened to me multiple times. Yes I had toxic friends, but mentally my brain remembers.
This Isn’t Funny to Me:
There are entire movies that make fun of my lack of a sex life. As a man, thanks to toxic masculinity society reinforces that I am failure every day that I don’t fix that. Valentines Day has a high suicide rate for a reason.
Anyway, I can’t comfortably talk about that issue anymore in this post. Please don’t bring up relationships around me for a while. This last week undid a lot of the positive coping strategies I employed. I’m still hurt and in pain from this last weekend.
I’m not going to talk politics this week. My personal life is too in the whole right now mentally. I need to recover before I can even fathom writing about the madness gripping the world right now.
Oh and thanks to an orange turd, my job is coming to an end soon. I’ll need to find a new job to distract me away from all these negative thoughts. Lest I forget, I am not clear financially forever. I have at most four months of safety.
The Good:
Anyway, I can’t deal with the negativity anymore. Let’s talk about the good. Even though I am forcing that onto the page.
I started writing again this week, and by write, I really mean edit. Right now I’m cleaning up Earth Everafter: Establishments. NanoWrimo is coming up and I am trying to finish any other projects that have been sitting in limbo.
Video Games:
So I continue to play Animal Crossing a little each day since I’m feeling better. Or at least I was feeling better. As expected, Animal Crossing is loosing its charm as I fall back into despair. I’m still turning Zozo into the most beautiful island ever at least. And totally not a hellhole. Wait, where is Zozo again?
I also started getting immersed in Genshin Impact. Judge me all you want for playing this game. But I have not spent a cent on it. Though now that I am getting to the later stages, all the complaints about this game on Reddit are starting to become noticeable.
Anime:
Anime wise, I’m watching Higurashi and Fire Force. Its gonna be a while till I add other Anime to my watch list. These two are plenty though in the meantime.
I canceled DND this week. Needing time to recover, I decided to focus on me.
Persona 4:
At least I have 2 more Persona 4 Videos for you. That’s right. 2 of them this time. Beware of serious spoilers. You should watch me on Twitch so you can see me play through games in real time.
Boss 9: The killer himself Tohru Adachi.
Boss 10: Yoshitsune and the Investigation Team take on the God of Fog
Wrap Up:
I guess its no surprise that my mental health came crashing down. Things only go my way for so long. It was naive for me to think it would be positive from here on out. I don’t know what the future holds, but Halloween is the last part of this year I’m looking forward to. Come November 1st, and its the worst parts of the year nonstop till March 1st.