Surviving the Quarantine: Post 2
Here is my second surviving the quarantine post. A habit takes roughly 23 attempts to perfect, but I think Coronavirus will force me to beat the odds. This is part two of sharing my persona experiences during this trying time. Be sure to read part 1 as well.
My money situation grows tighter. I am beyond on both rent and my auto insurance has gone unpaid for two months now. Still, I have enough to eat and a small paycheck coming my way soon.
Unfortunately, due to some administrative fuckery I have not received my tax return. This is problematic since that’s around $800 that I so desperately need. But I have more bad news.
So far, I know at least 3 people that have either symptoms of the virus, or knowingly have it. Their lives may or may not be in danger. I am fearful that its only a matter of time until Coronavirus claims someone in my family or friends circle.
Ills of the World:
Still more bad. I’m going insane thanks to social media. I seriously can’t believe that people want to rush to reopen the country. Citing that the economy will be worse than the death toll or some other stupid idea fed to them by corporate overlords. I’m gonna be frank with you. History says that is shit.
Speaking of history, 100 years ago, the world reopened during a similar pandemic. Ironically, instead of comparing their illness to the flu, the people of that day and age assumed that World War I was the more dangerous adversary. As it turned out, that was extremely wrong.
Just as the Spanish Flu killed more people than World War I, if we reopen the world right now, Coronavirus will end up killing far more people than Influenza. Ironically, the same crowd of people called for both.
Privilege:
Meanwhile armed terrorists who think rights that are not threatened are in danger stormed a capitol building. If they had been anything but white, they would all be dead right now. The fact that they are still alive proves that we are not a Fascist State. White Privilege strikes again.
Speaking of stupidity, there are now Karens proving how Karen they are. By that I mean equating the Black Rights movement to them being in quarantine. Complaining that you are slightly inconvenienced and comparing it to a real movement that dealt with truly horrific societal issues is the pinnacle Karen kind.
Personal Demons:
Lastly, the most personal negative of them all. I have not been well mentally. I have had to fight off nightmares about suicide. There are moments where only promises to friends that I won’t hang myself with rope is keeping me alive. That or the fact that I can’t die until at least one other person knows how all my book series come to an end.
I have called multiple crisis counselors, and am doing my best to stay straight. But no matter how this pandemic ends, there are few ways I will be able to financially recover. In my twenties, I might have been able to fix my life. However, I’m in my thirties and approaching the midpoint of how long I’ll be able to feasibly work.
Finally, I’m an extrovert forced into behaving as an introvert. I recharge best when with friends. I have not seen most of my friends and family in months. Its taking a toll on my sanity. There is only so much that Zoom, Skype, Discord, Twitch, and gaming with friends can accomplish.
All in all, the future looks even bleaker than it did in January. I was at wits end and homeless at the time. The fact that things seem worse is a testament to just how horrible things have become.
How I Am Surviving:
Well, that was a whole lot of negative. Guess I should talk about reasons that I haven’t given up. And luckily, I have several points for that as well.
First and most importantly, Pokemon Go is the ultimate lifeline. Even during a pandemic, this mobile game forces me outside into the sun. If not for Niantic, I probably would have perished some time a few years back. Even today, I made use of everything the game has to offer. Even US Route 1, which I ran across would not impede me in my quest to be the very best.
Next, I have played quite a bit of Civilization 5 with close friends. Though the game has been stressful at times thanks to the large time investment, its still a way for me to stay in contact with people I care about. Even if I rage quit from time to time, all I need is some sleep before I’m ready to play again.
Twitch has been helpful as well. I might be done with Persona 5 Royal, but Final Fantasy 7 Remake still has plenty to offer. I’m not sure if I’ll be achievement farming or not. A really obnoxious pull-up mini game seems to be an obstacle I can’t overcome on that front. Given how stressed out I am, the last thing I should do is add more to that dumpster fire.
Creativity Eclipsing the Virus:
I also got the chance to be interviewed on the Legion of Writers Podcast. I shared my dark writing vision and how I craft the villains who steal the show in my stories. As anyone who reads my fiction will know, I take great pride in my antagonists. Its not hyperbole to claim that I spend much of my time awake brainstorming their motivations.
One of the writer’s groups I used to frequent when I lived in Orlando managed to put together an open mic over Zoom. Attending this event allowed me to reconnect with friends in The Writers of Central Florida or Thereabouts
I can’t go through the day without talking about Dungeons and Dragons. I’m now the Dungeon Master of three different campaigns. There is even a chance at me running a fourth. It might seem like that is a lot to take on, but staying busy is how I keep thoughts of suicide at bay. Quiet time is dangerous time.
Anyway, I just have to keep pushing forward. There are no other options. I seem to be trapped on a train heading right towards failure town. Perhaps I’ll find a station to jump off at some point. What are a few metaphorical broken bones?
I’ll be writing another of these posts next week. I hope to be in better spirits, but wouldn’t count on it.
Anyway, no cat picture this time. I’m getting tired of the thoughts and prayers people. (Thots and prayers however are welcome.) So here is God, or rather, here is God while infecting everyone with Coronavirus. Trust Doctors and Scientists, and related professionals. They are devoting their lives to solving the problems plaguing our world.
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If you or a loved one is experiencing Suicidal Thoughts, do not hesitate to call the Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 Better that the virus die than you.