An Honest Review of Myself

Admin/ January 28, 2017/ Rants

 

Thanks to a really intriguing class prompt, I got to do some self reflection.

My top ten list would be:
Power
Leadership
Purpose
Influence
Freedom
Security
Courage
Wealth

Truth

Introspection

To the surprise of no one, I am an ENTJ: The commander.  I have taken the Meyers Briggs Test 200 times now and gotten this result 199 times.  I can feel assured that this truly is my personality type. (the one time I was not ENTJ, I got ENTP) Anyway, the ENTJ wants power because of a need to be a leader in society.  I have never been satisfied with a desk job, or to be an underling.  This is a trait common with my personality type.  The double edged sword of ENTJ is that we can come off incredibly cold due to our ruthlessness.  I am certainly one who will pursue my goals at any cost. I am willing to shove people out of the way, both figuratively and literally, who get in my way.  This can also cause a problem with relationship building.  Other people can see this ruthlessness as a sense of not caring.  A person who does not contribute to my life tends to be discarded.  I do not do this out of malice, but simply because I have major ambitions and cannot afford to be slowed down.  Instead I surround myself with people who can help me reach my goal.
My upbringing, for good or ill has helped me develop a large set of skills that have been very beneficial.  A combination of pride and drive ensure that when I set my mind on a goal, it gets accomplished.  I will move heaven and hell itself if it gets in my way (and have done so on a few occasions) This also means that I can move past intense pain, both physical and mental.  i don’t let the screams emanating from my body get in my way when I have a task to complete.  It how I have completed things such as Tough Mudder and Master of All Terrain. And because I refuse to give up, I do not slam my head against a wall in insanity, but instead, use the fact that I am really crazy to find a new path.  If I get trapped in a maze, I’ll break out the figurative flamethrower and create my own path to the goal.  
Unfortunately taking myself this seriously can have some drawbacks.  I do not take failure lightly and beat myself up over the simplest of things.  My own personal negative reinforcement to ensure I do not screw up again.  This has been taken to some extreme levels that I am not proud of.  There are times in my life where I willingly let my pay at work get docked because I knew I had screwed up.  There are also times in my life where I willingly starved myself as punishment for not making enough money.  I willingly made myself homeless for a month as punishment for not finding a place to live faster.  And in all these cases, I resigned myself to this fate to ensure that I would not fail again.  This may appear to be in conflict with the above of never giving up.  But this is not giving up, so much as reminding myself what the price of failure is.  And as power above all else to protect myself is my goal, I can afford nothing less than absolute success.
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